As he enters the lane in front of you, his left blinker continues to flash; you notice boney knuckles choking his steering wheel like a chicken neck; then some maniac passes you on the right. Finally the realization hits: “You are now stuck in the left lane driving behind a slowpoke”.
You can forget darting into the right lane; everyone else has already thought of that and you are the one car trapped. Study the situation carefully; it will take clear planning and perfect timing to free yourself. So sit back, relax and keep a safe distance; and be alert for an opportunity to escape.
Now he is riding his break and the traffic behind you continues to build, entering the right lane at this speed would be a death sentence. Drivers zipping by on the right give you dirty looks, as if it is your fault that they were stuck in traffic. Perhaps it was your fault, perhaps you should have used your laser guided missile to destroy this slowpoke the moment he got in front of you and all this would have been avoided.
If only when we received our driver’s license we all were issued one laser guided missile. The back of your driver’s license would read, “As a responsible driver you are expected to use your laser guided missile to destroy any cars that you deem unsafe. You only get one shot in a lifetime, so use it wisely. Thank you and shoot responsibly – The Division of Motor Vehicles”.
You can forget darting into the right lane; everyone else has already thought of that and you are the one car trapped. Study the situation carefully; it will take clear planning and perfect timing to free yourself. So sit back, relax and keep a safe distance; and be alert for an opportunity to escape.
Now he is riding his break and the traffic behind you continues to build, entering the right lane at this speed would be a death sentence. Drivers zipping by on the right give you dirty looks, as if it is your fault that they were stuck in traffic. Perhaps it was your fault, perhaps you should have used your laser guided missile to destroy this slowpoke the moment he got in front of you and all this would have been avoided.
If only when we received our driver’s license we all were issued one laser guided missile. The back of your driver’s license would read, “As a responsible driver you are expected to use your laser guided missile to destroy any cars that you deem unsafe. You only get one shot in a lifetime, so use it wisely. Thank you and shoot responsibly – The Division of Motor Vehicles”.
Other drivers would not know if you had already used your laser guided missile or if you have them targeted this instant. Imagine how nice the roads would be, no rude drivers, no speed limits, no police; driving would be managed by a totally self regulating system of drivers who can destroy you or be destroyed based upon any infraction. All the slow pokes and maniacs on the road would be destroyed.
Then in my rear view mirror I spot an opportunity, a driver in the right lane has left just enough room for me to cut in front of him and escape this slowpoke. I wait for just the right second, hit the accelerator and now I am free. As I pass the slowpoke I look again in my rear view mirror to see an angry face driver staring back. Then I wonder about that missile idea, if that guy behind still had his last shot would he use it on me?
Then in my rear view mirror I spot an opportunity, a driver in the right lane has left just enough room for me to cut in front of him and escape this slowpoke. I wait for just the right second, hit the accelerator and now I am free. As I pass the slowpoke I look again in my rear view mirror to see an angry face driver staring back. Then I wonder about that missile idea, if that guy behind still had his last shot would he use it on me?
The next time you are tempted to reach for that imaginary missile remember the truth is that a slowpoke is anyone who drives slower than you and the maniac is anyone who drives faster; and if the driver missile system were a reality, long ago you too would have been eradicated.Copyright Dave Nocera 2007
